My First Running Blog

I wasn’t intending to write a running blog, I set up a separate Instagram page so I could track my running & fitness journey with like minded people & to keep the majority of it off my personal Instagram page & Facebook.

However two weeks in to my new page I ruptured my Achilles playing football. That was over two weeks ago & I need an outlet for the stress & frustration the last two weeks have brought me.

I’ll go over the reasons I started running on another entry, but it has taken me five or six years to get to this position of being injured and hating it. Previously I just took a week or two off. My last injury before this was May, I strained my hamstring. Again playing football, however I’ve had many similar hamstring strains & a month off running & a complete three week break from all exercise felt okay. I had a target of two 10km runs the first two weekend in June, so took it as an extended tapper & coped okay.

This injury has been much worse. Rather than hobbling off & an uncomfortable drive home, knowing I needed to take it easy for a couple of weeks. I was carried off on a stretcher; I had to sit in the passenger seat as my mother drove me & my son home, from Slough to Poole. To finally, spend over three hours in Poole A&E. The conformation of a ruptured Achilles, a plaster cast & to be told I had 6-8 weeks of no driving or walking. I had races booked; the Stickler, known as the Dorset three peaks, a ten mile trail race with plenty of climbing. Scheduled for the end of October. I knew that was out. The Coastal Trail Series Dorset half marathon. Another hill trail race in & around Lulworth cove Dorset, which is actually 16 miles. Scheduled for the first weekend of December. A possibility, but deep down after completing the 10km there for the past two years & knowing the climbs fairly well. Highly unlikely. So instead of the booked races being inspiration for getting better, they are reminders of what I’m missing. Luckily the stickler has been deferred to 2018, but not the CTS, I can change to another race in early 2018, but because the 2018 race at Lulworth has not been confirmed yet, I can’t defer. More on that another time!

For me like many others running is an escape, a couple of hours a week where it is just me & my thoughts. I miss the cathartic nature of team sports & the dressing room banter. But with parkrun & the online insta/Strava communities I’ve jumped two footed in too. I’ve even found a bit of what I miss. These two weeks stuck in the house has made me feel more trapped, not just physically but mentally as I don’t have a new run to talk about. I can’t train for the next race. I feel almost a voyeur, looking through the Instagram window. This weekend has been hard, the Bournemouth Marathon Festival. I ran my first half marathon at the inaugural festival in 2013. I ran my first marathon there last year. To see so many fellow runners enjoy the weekend, achieving so much is hard. I’m happy for them all, but I want to be out there with them. Weirdly I was never planning too, I didn’t enter any race at the festival this year I was always going to miss it.

Spending everyday indoors is so against what I normally do. I use any excuse to go out. I miss the fresh air. I’ve had two day in the office, one a week. However each time I’ve not left my desk. I know I’m lucky that I can work from home; this injury could have meant 6-8 weeks of no pay! I’m making the best of it & trying to stay positive. I suffer with anxiety & panic attacks; I’ve suffered with compulsive addiction & depression previously. I know the signs & I can most of the time pull myself back from a panic attacks, I know the triggers. I can see the slip in to depression; thankfully it has been years since I’ve not seen it coming & rarely suffer too much.  Running has helped so much, as a focus, as a therapy, without it the fear compounds the stress!

Why talk about this now, well today 10^th October is world mental health day. A day above all others to open up about your mental health issues if you suffer, to accept those do & help when needed. I’ve never asked for help, over the years I’ve seen different doctors & therapists. Not one has found me an answer or a cure. Not one has offered more than a tablet or excuse. I’ve coped because I had too. I’ve found my own way. It won’t suit everyone, as we are all different. However we can all talk about it. There is nothing to be ashamed about. I’m now in a flash boot, rather than a cast. This injury is visible, my current illness is visible. Many injuries & illnesses are not.

This won’t be a one off blog & hopefully I’ll address more positive subject matters. However I have another three weeks in this boot. Before I’m allowed to drive & walk unaided again. I’ll try to stay positive, I’m sure there will be difficult days.

One thing I’ve come to notice more & more in the last two weeks is I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Part of my journey will be to improve this & lose some weight & with it reduce my risk of injury.

Thanks for taking time to read this, hopefully you enjoyed it. There are no promises when the next blog will appear, but I’m sure before December!