The Journey so far

Thank you to those who read my first blog & welcome to new readers. I thought this second entry would be a good place to detail my background, why I run & what I have achieved so far. I can’t talk about running as I’m injured at the moment & I can’t always dwell on the injury itself. It will heal, but it will take time.

Why I run… to be honest I sometime say I enjoy running, I sometimes hate it. I think I might be obsessed, not with running itself, but the goal setting and the striving for achievement. Even the little ones, like running four Parkruns in a month or getting out & running three times & over 10 miles in a week.

I know I need to keep fit, not only do I eat too much, but I’m inherently lazy. I think we all are if we’re honest. If I could I’d just watch movies & eat all day, every day. I enjoy a walk to the beach or around a country park, as I do enjoy the outdoors. However if I won the lottery next week I think I’d spend more time watching films than I would spend in the gym!

I defiantly feel better for running, or cycling, or a gym session. But I do have to push myself out there to do it. I need a reason, training for a race, pushing for a PB. It used to be just staying fit enough to start on a Saturday afternoon. One of the reasons I retired from football, was the lack of desire to stay fit enough to deserve a start week in week out. I was still playing regularly in my last season, but it was evident I shouldn’t have been. There only on reputation, or lack of numbers! I’d lost the drive to succeed, but my running journey had already begun & the small wins there appealed more.

I officially hung up my boots December 2014, I first played men’s football January 1992. I’d missed a couple of seasons but over 20 years isn’t bad. I’ve played a couple of vet’s games when I’ve felt the need & been involved in charity games, but each time I play I get injured. I don’t think I’ll ever play again!

I’ve always participated in some sport or exercise, almost as early as I can remember. My memories of my childhood are very sketchy; I’m not sure why, nothing terrible happened to me. I just struggle to recollect more than a handful of key moments. I’ve played rugby from u9’s through to u21’s with a handful of senior games through in. I played badminton for years including representing my school. I of course played football for my schools, including 3 year in the u12’s for my middle school. I ran cross country for my middle school. I played cricket for the village team, spent a few year learning judo. As you can tell I was fairly active!

Why & how running became the priority… the above photo was the first medal I ‘won’ for running. It is for a charity fun run I completed to help raise money for Southam swimming pool. That was 1986, it took me over 25 years to get my next one.

Apart from the odd jog over the summer, I only ran as part of training for a team sport & then I often had an excuse or my laces needed tying so the number of laps I did was thankfully reduced. However as with many runners charity pulled me in. Two major events in 2011 changed my outlook. Firstly To help fund a new clubhouse for the football club I’m still involved in. I ran to raise money, I didn’t run fast or raise much & we still haven’t built the new club house. However it gave me a reason to put the effort in & run. Without any training either I realised I could do anything I wanted too. A couple weeks later the club chairwoman died & I ran again in 2012 in her memory with my dear friend, her son. 2012 was an emotional run & I had the running bug. Another driving force was the death of my brother’s friend from school. Also in 2011, I knew him & the shock of someone who has achieved his dreams, but still died so young, changed my outlook on life & I decided to push myself to achieve things I previously thought impossible. That was the reason I agreed to enter the first race & try to raise money. I’ve raised money for the charity set up in his name. It gave me the push I needed at the time to challenge myself.

I ran only occasionally for a couple of years before I finally retired form football. However I did manage to run my first half marathon at the inaugural Bournemouth Marathon Festival in 2013. Part of me wanted to run the marathon. Something I wanted to do since childhood, but never thought possible. Having the festival on my doorstep pushed me, I wanted to be involved in the first one.  I did run my first marathon in 2016 again at the Bournemouth Marathon Festival. After my retirement from football I ran much more often. So far I have run 62 Parkruns, over 20 10km races, 6 half marathons & one full marathon. Plus 100’s of miles in training. I completed 500 miles in 2016 & until my current injury I was on track to repeat the small goal this year.

I realised recently half of my Facebook feed & most of my Instagram page was Strava maps & pictures of me in running or with race t-shirts & medals. I might have become a bore!  This drove me to set up a separate Insta account under BenRunnerPants.

What’s next? I need to be patient; I still have two weeks in a boot & then at least a month’s rehab before I can run again. The goal for the end of the year is to run one parkrun. If I can achieve a pain free 5km I think I’ll be happy & will have a foundation to build on for 2018. As long as I’m okay. I think another marathon will be on the cards for 2018. I have weight to lose & I’ll be documenting my struggles with that on insta. If I can lose a couple stone, I can improve all my pb’s. Currently thay stand at; 5km (parkrun) 25:37 – 5m 56:39 – 10km 58:58 – half 2h06:52 – Marathon 5h24:21. 

Below is my collection of medals so far (not all races give out medals sadly). I’m sure the collection will continue to grow. One other thing next year, I will attempt a triathlon; I’ve said this many times before but after sitting around frustratingly injured. I want to push myself to new limits.
Thanks for showing interest by reading. Follow me on twitter & Instagram @benrunnerpants

My First Running Blog

I wasn’t intending to write a running blog, I set up a separate Instagram page so I could track my running & fitness journey with like minded people & to keep the majority of it off my personal Instagram page & Facebook.

However two weeks in to my new page I ruptured my Achilles playing football. That was over two weeks ago & I need an outlet for the stress & frustration the last two weeks have brought me.

I’ll go over the reasons I started running on another entry, but it has taken me five or six years to get to this position of being injured and hating it. Previously I just took a week or two off. My last injury before this was May, I strained my hamstring. Again playing football, however I’ve had many similar hamstring strains & a month off running & a complete three week break from all exercise felt okay. I had a target of two 10km runs the first two weekend in June, so took it as an extended tapper & coped okay.

This injury has been much worse. Rather than hobbling off & an uncomfortable drive home, knowing I needed to take it easy for a couple of weeks. I was carried off on a stretcher; I had to sit in the passenger seat as my mother drove me & my son home, from Slough to Poole. To finally, spend over three hours in Poole A&E. The conformation of a ruptured Achilles, a plaster cast & to be told I had 6-8 weeks of no driving or walking. I had races booked; the Stickler, known as the Dorset three peaks, a ten mile trail race with plenty of climbing. Scheduled for the end of October. I knew that was out. The Coastal Trail Series Dorset half marathon. Another hill trail race in & around Lulworth cove Dorset, which is actually 16 miles. Scheduled for the first weekend of December. A possibility, but deep down after completing the 10km there for the past two years & knowing the climbs fairly well. Highly unlikely. So instead of the booked races being inspiration for getting better, they are reminders of what I’m missing. Luckily the stickler has been deferred to 2018, but not the CTS, I can change to another race in early 2018, but because the 2018 race at Lulworth has not been confirmed yet, I can’t defer. More on that another time!

For me like many others running is an escape, a couple of hours a week where it is just me & my thoughts. I miss the cathartic nature of team sports & the dressing room banter. But with parkrun & the online insta/Strava communities I’ve jumped two footed in too. I’ve even found a bit of what I miss. These two weeks stuck in the house has made me feel more trapped, not just physically but mentally as I don’t have a new run to talk about. I can’t train for the next race. I feel almost a voyeur, looking through the Instagram window. This weekend has been hard, the Bournemouth Marathon Festival. I ran my first half marathon at the inaugural festival in 2013. I ran my first marathon there last year. To see so many fellow runners enjoy the weekend, achieving so much is hard. I’m happy for them all, but I want to be out there with them. Weirdly I was never planning too, I didn’t enter any race at the festival this year I was always going to miss it.

Spending everyday indoors is so against what I normally do. I use any excuse to go out. I miss the fresh air. I’ve had two day in the office, one a week. However each time I’ve not left my desk. I know I’m lucky that I can work from home; this injury could have meant 6-8 weeks of no pay! I’m making the best of it & trying to stay positive. I suffer with anxiety & panic attacks; I’ve suffered with compulsive addiction & depression previously. I know the signs & I can most of the time pull myself back from a panic attacks, I know the triggers. I can see the slip in to depression; thankfully it has been years since I’ve not seen it coming & rarely suffer too much.  Running has helped so much, as a focus, as a therapy, without it the fear compounds the stress!

Why talk about this now, well today 10^th October is world mental health day. A day above all others to open up about your mental health issues if you suffer, to accept those do & help when needed. I’ve never asked for help, over the years I’ve seen different doctors & therapists. Not one has found me an answer or a cure. Not one has offered more than a tablet or excuse. I’ve coped because I had too. I’ve found my own way. It won’t suit everyone, as we are all different. However we can all talk about it. There is nothing to be ashamed about. I’m now in a flash boot, rather than a cast. This injury is visible, my current illness is visible. Many injuries & illnesses are not.

This won’t be a one off blog & hopefully I’ll address more positive subject matters. However I have another three weeks in this boot. Before I’m allowed to drive & walk unaided again. I’ll try to stay positive, I’m sure there will be difficult days.

One thing I’ve come to notice more & more in the last two weeks is I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Part of my journey will be to improve this & lose some weight & with it reduce my risk of injury.

Thanks for taking time to read this, hopefully you enjoyed it. There are no promises when the next blog will appear, but I’m sure before December!